I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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