Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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