R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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