Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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