I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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