Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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