hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
