Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I see more hoeing in ur future
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