I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
