a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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