Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
