The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
