i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
