the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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