these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
