Screwed.edu
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
