guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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