Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My ATM looks so different sober.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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