i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
