it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
