yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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