Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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