my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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