mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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