I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
