uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize