Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
