I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
