I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
