So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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