If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
