The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
