I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
