Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
