i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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