I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
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You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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