Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
