I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
