Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
