You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
