My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
