What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm having to shit out rocks
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
