Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
