i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
