Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
