that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
