flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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