the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
