she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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