Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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