Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
smell my finger.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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