I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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