Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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