he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
