OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
