His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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