Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
