I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
