Please, let me fuck your mom
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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