My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Drunk is not a location!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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