Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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