All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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