so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
