I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
