whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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