imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
