was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
