I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
