No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dignity is for republicans.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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