somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
