she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
someone owes me an orgasm
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
