Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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