No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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