I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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