great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
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He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum