Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here