i was born a porn star she said
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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