wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
