They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
