The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
