I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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