i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
