If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
