i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
