I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my shit smells like andre
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
