happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
